That is the question.
Today is November 1st, the beginning of Nanowrimo, the National Novel Writing Month. For three years the kids and I write in frenzy everyday, for the entire month. Every past Nanowrimo always started with ambition and confidence. As days go by, you began to doubt as the word chart relentlessly showed your failings. Then, you counted the days leading to the Thanksgiving weekend and believed that it would save you from becoming a failure. The break was always shorter than expected. There was always something that came up, feeding you just enough of a reason to deny accountability You dragged through that last hours of November 30th, hoping it would be 48 hours, and then it was over.
Last year, I blamed my boss. She had to visit Asia with me in November. That’s why I failed!
A failed wrimo (That’s who we are in November) had to crouch for a year to get another chance. That chance starts today.
But I am afraid to begin. The mere thoughts of writing 50,000 words is scaring me this year. The thoughts not to write bothers me even more. The two kids are no help but pressure — They decided to do it again.
What I truly loved is doing it together with them, an activity not discriminated by age, experience, nor sophistication. It is a month reserved for a dogged belief that something like this is possible despite school and work, a month when children can see their mother fail…
That is why I struggle with to write or not to write tonight.